Sunday, March 06, 2005

Which Sport is Better?

Part One, In An Ongoing Series


Currently, there exists a debate between myself and two buddies of mine on which of the three major professional sports is most difficult to play. It's a fun, though mostly futile, argument as there never really seems to be any resolution. I've decided to take it a little further and discuss my thoughts on why I think baseball is simply a better game, in general, than football or basketball. Don't get me wrong; as a rabid sports fan, I like to watch all these sports. I just happen to think one of them is superior. This is just one of many planned installments, so stay tuned for more utter brilliance as it flows from my brain through my fingers and across your eyeballs.


Going To The Game

Baseball: Delightful, sunny afternoons, taking in the fresh air.
Football: Bone-chilling, potentially rainy afternoons spent stomping your feet to promote circulation.
Basketball: Stuck indoors, enjoying the wonderfully generic atmosphere of (Insert Corporate Sponsor's Name Here) Fieldhouse.

Baseball: Casually debating whether the manager should have pulled the pitcher earlier with they guy sitting behind you.
Football: Trying to decide which belligerent, drunken, NASCAR-loving hillbilly could be reported to stadium security without retribution from his/her redneck brethren.
Basketball: Protecting your son from melees induced by beer-throwing hooligans sitting next to you in the stands and reciprocated by coddled, testosterone-driven millionaires on the court.

Baseball: Singing "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" during the 7th Inning Stretch, accompanied by traditional, albeit dated, organ music.
Football: Getting psyched up by rehashed '70s hits such as "Start Me Up" by the Stones, "Crazy Train" by Ozzie and "Rock and Roll, Part 2" by Gary Glitter.
Basketball: During time-outs, listening to any song that you wouldn't normally hear unless you accidentally stopped on Soul Train while flipping through the television channels.

Baseball: Pauses in the action between innings allows time to grab a hot dog or use the restroom without missing any of the game.
Football: Pauses in between plays while the teams huddle allows your wife or girlfriend the opportunity to ogle the "tight ends."
Basketball: Pauses for each team's set of six regular timeouts, two 20-second timeouts and God-knows how many TV timeouts allows opportunities to wonder what it must have been like back in the old days when basketball was a fluid, graceful game.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

As much as I enjoyed football over the years, you completely hit the nail on the head. You also made me smile & that's worth a lot!

Jeff said...

I love me a good chop block. Or a coaches challenge. Nothing like a 5 minute interruption in the game while the ref peers into that black box, then returns to explain that the quarterbacks shoulder crossed the line of scrimmage before the pass. Now that's SPORT!!

Nick said...

You know, at least you can go to a KU baseball game for less than $40 a pop. And there's no greater atmosphere in sports than viewing a game at venerable Hoglund Park. Ah, the memories...

Anonymous said...

You guys have forgotten the greatest sport of all...NASCAR. After all, who doesn't enjoy the dreams you had as a 16 year old, speeding down the local roads, praying not to get caught by the local smokey. These men are fulfilling there dreams in a really "hot" car that not only the guys love to look at, but attract the chicks. I know the dangers of baseball is getting hit by a pitch...and getting hit by some 220lb defensive player in the game of football, but that can't compare to the thrills of flying through the air after someone smacks into the rear end of your car. Metal on metal, fuel spilling and flames coming out the rear end of your car. To a true NASCAR fan, the sports you speak of don't even compare.

Nick said...

Driving around at high speed is a fun pastime, to be sure. But making nothing but left turns for 3 hours doesn't hold a candle to the three major sports, in my opinion. I'm not saying it isn't difficult. But unless it has a ball, I don't consider it a "sport."