Names

Everyone has one. It's how we identify each other. It's how we keep track of each other.

Each Major League baseball team manages a 40-man roster. There are 30 teams in Major League baseball. This means there are over 1,200 names regularly being bandied about each season. But not all of these names inspire images of greatness and success when spoken or heard. Some conjure thoughts of utter failure, laughter, confusion or amusement.

This occurred to me first as a youngster. When evaluating the newest rookie crop as a kid, I would often rely on how a players' name sounded when I had no other facts to make a judgement by. Take, for instance, 1987. A buddy of mine was really high on Casey Candaele, a rookie shortstop for the Expos. We didn't really know a whole lot about him, other than what the back of his baseball cards told us. I decided, though, that I couldn't really imagine his name being associated with greatness: "Please welcome three-time National League MVP, Casey Candaele!" Just didn't sound right. On the other hand, you had two young players in Pittsburgh whose names just seemed to flow off the tongue: Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla. Those names sounded cool individually and collectively. Barry Bonds. Bobby Bonilla. Bonds and Bonilla. There's a lot to be said for alliteration. And it doesn't hurt to have name recognition from a dad who had a pretty decent career, as well, in Bonds' case.

So, I've compiled some notes and observations on the levels of success achieved by players with "good" names, "bad" names, "weird" names, and so on. This is about as far away as you can get from objective sabermetric analysis, but it's fun to think about, nonetheless.


OLD GUYS

Ty Cobb. A solid name. A concise name. Definitely material for a successful name. Unquestioned on-field results.

Honus Wagner. I don't think I would have bet on him to be successful as a rookie any more than I would have bet on Al Pedrique 90 years later. But he was arguably the best shortstop ever, so you can see where this is not an exact science.

Joe DiMaggio. Ethnic-sounding names don't always translate well. When your name appears in multiple songs, you can bet that it translated just fine.

Ted Williams. Very solid name. The name of a ballplayer AND a war hero. You can't go wrong with a name like Ted Williams.

Mickey Mantle/Willie Mays/Duke Snider. This is the jackpot of baseball names. All stand alone as great names. They combined to share the same position in the same era and create possibly the most talented triumvirate of names in history. Mickey Mantle may be the best baseball name of all-time. Again, you have alliteration, a definite plus. And how can you not like the name "Mickey"? Willie Mays was the "Say Hey Kid," a nickname that embodied his enthusiastic personality. But, even "Willie Mays" sounds like an incredible athlete. Duke. It screams out "authority" and "leader" and "John Wayne". Willie, Mickey and the Duke. Only "Tinker to Evers to Chance" comes within a stone's throw of this trio.

Johnny Bench. Almost any name that ends in "y" sounds great. It leads you to believe that he's still just a kid playing a kid's game. This rule also applies for Eddie Matthews, Rickey Henderson, Ernie Banks, Willie Stargell, Kirby Puckett and Ozzie Smith.

Tom Seaver. Sounds nearly as "All-American" as Jack Armstrong. Tom had 271 more wins than Jack, though.


RECENT GUYS

Pedro. Anyone who can get by with just their first name has both immense talent and recognizability. "Ed" for instance, would not fall into this category.

Sammy Sosa. Another excellent example of striking gold with alliteration. Even his nickname gets in on the act: Slammin' Sammy Sosa.

Albert Pujols. Another name anomaly. Albert is easily preceded by "Fat". And "Pujols" is another ethnic name that doesn't really roll off the tongue. But when you hit nearly as well as Barry Bonds, no one really cares what your name sounds like.

Hank Blalock. "Hank" is a classic baseball name. Hank Aaron. Hank Bauer. Hank Greenberg. Homer Hank-y.

Torii Hunter/Jacque Jones. Names that evoke images of their actual skills are cool. Torii Hunter "hunting" down balls in center field is a great example. Hunter's outfield mate Jacque Jones has the alliteration thing going for him, if not the actual baseball skills.

Ichiro! Sounds best when screamed by elementary school autograph hounds.


BAD NAMES

These are names that I just wouldn't imagine being announced at a Hall of Fame induction ceremony. If you have one of these names, you know you're not coasting on natural ability, but rather you're "maximizing your potential" or "doing all the little things" or "exhibiting a clubhouse presence."

Mark Grudzielanek. Doug Mientkiewicz. Wes Obermueller. Paul Bako. Vinny Chulk. Mike Koplove. Todd Van Poppel. Chris Clapinski.

I've already mentioned some players with bad names that have bucked the trend and played well. Here are a few more:

Nomar Garciaparra. Jason Isringhausen. John Smoltz. Magglio Ordonez. David Eckstein. Paul Konerko. Mike Sweeney. Wily Mo Pena. Erubiel Durazo.

Jung Bong. If Jimmy Fallon comes back to guest-host Saturday Night Live, you gotta think Horatio Sanz squeezes in a reference to Jung Bong during their "Jared's Room" sketch.

Bobby Hill. It can't be good if your name evokes thoughts of the pudgy, lacking in self-esteem son of Hank Hill on "King of the Hill."

Jose Mesa. Literally translated means "Joe Table." Lets stick with the Spanish version.


ODDS AND ENDS

Alliteration All-Stars: Barry Bonds. Bret Boone. Kiko Calero. David DeJesus. Corey Koskie. Geoff Jenkins. Melvin Mora. Matt Morris. Mark Mulder. Mike Mussina. Ugueth Urbina. Woody Williams.

Names That "Flow": I have a friend named Matt Atkinson. What's cool about his name is that you can flow it together: Mattkinson. Same goes for Seth Etherton (Setherton) and Brad Radke (Bradke).

"Fishy" Names: Tim Salmon. Steve Trout. Kevin Bass. Josh Karp. "Catfish" Hunter.

Pitchers With Unfortunate Names: Bob Walk. Grant Balfour. Homer Bailey. Steve Shell. David Riske.

"Combo" Names: Back in the early 80's, Topps baseball cards had cards with players whose names combined to form something moderately interesting. Bud Black + Vida Blue = Black & Blue. Steve Carlton + Carlton Fisk = Carlton & Carlton. Now we have Damian Rolls + Royce Clayton = Rolls Royce. And Jason Marquis + Marquis Grissom = Marquis & Marquis.

Young Guys Who Have No Chance At the Hall of Fame: Most of these guys are in the minors or are battling for a spot on the big league roster. They may very well have major league careers, but not a one has a Hall of Fame-caliber name. Ryan Langerhans. Yorman Bazardo. Callix Crabbe. Hernan Iribarren. Ian Bladergroen. John Van Benschoten. Tagg Bozied.

Guys With Superhero-like Names: Robin Ventura. John Buck. Prince Fielder. "Flash" Gordon. Orlando Hudson.

Great Ethnic Names: Rafael Palmeiro. Aquilino Lopez. Ruben Sierra. Roberto Clemente. Sandy Koufax. Hank Greenberg. Byung-Hyun Kim. Rocco Baldelli. Hiram Bocachica. Tony Graffanino. Shigetoshi Hasegawa. Rob Mackowiak. Frank Menechino. Frank Catalanotto. Micheal Nakamura. Mike Piazza. Juan Pierre. A.J. Pierzynski. Manny Ramirez. Seung Song.
Alfonso Soriano. Esteban Yan.

Rods: ARod. ERod. FeRod. IRod. LuRod. RiRod. SRod.

Guys Who Share Names With Other Celebrities: Kenny Rogers. Mike Myers.

Same Name, Different Pronunciation: Greg Gagne / Eric Gagne.

Potpourri: Chipper Jones. Brad Penny. Josh Fogg. J.T. Snow. Trot Nixon. Bucky Jacobsen. Cha Baek. Milton Bradley. Coco Crisp.