Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I'm Sick

I'm sick.

I'm sick of people patting themselves on the back. I'm sick of people seeking my approval.

I'm sick of people not knowing who I am and what I need. I'm sick of not knowing what I need, either. I'm sick of knowing what I want but having no idea whether it coincides with what I need.

I'm sick of knowing there's a plan but not knowing what it is or when it will start moving or when it will stop.

I'm sick of being patient. I'm sick of understanding that there is a greater purpose but not knowing what my role is supposed to be.

I'm sick of the sheer stupidity and emotional irresponsibility of this country's business and financial sector. I'm sick of the blind, lemming-like response of the general public that upholds the fears that this sector generates. I'm sick of the media sensationalizing instead of reporting.

I'm sick of my feet being cold all day long.

I'm sick of my apartment complex trying to soak me for every penny they can get.

I'm sick of other people always having to be right. I'm sick of myself always having to be right.

I'm sick of eating.

I'm sick people driving as though common sense is just a baseless theory.

I'm sick of my workload wandering blindly from "shoot-me-in-the-head boring" to "shoot-me-in-the-head busy" with no stops in between. I'm sick of the inanity and vanity of the conversations that take place in my office. I'm sick of being able to work faster than my computer.

I'm sick of feeling bitter and unforgiving and unsympathetic with no reason, justifiable or otherwise. I'm sick of bouncing back and forth between those feelings and normal feelings and not being able to explain to people what is going on.

I'm sick of having the desire to be creative but not the motive. I'm sick that this is the best I could muster over the last month.

I'm sick of wishing for things that aren't going to happen and I'm sick of waiting for things to happen that I know will.

I'm sick.