Thursday, July 30, 2009

Whirwind, Part Eight

(Continued from Whirlwind, Part Seven)

I got an email from her one day asking what I thought. I thought to myself, "I'm head-over-heels for this girl!" I thought, "Every other time I've thought it would be stupid to tell her how I felt, I went ahead and did it anyway. Why not do it now? We've connected so much, get along so well; I really love this girl."

So I told her.

She wasn't on the same page. She said that freaked her out. I got a huge knot in my stomach.

x x x

I managed to get her alone one day outside of Adrian’s. I apologized for my over-eagerness and explained that it was probably too quick for me to lay everything on the line. She was very uncomfortable and just seemed to want the conversation to end as quickly as possible. We discussed easing back a little bit and she seemed to be okay with that, but the cat was already out of the bag and I told her I wouldn’t feel any differently about her. When I left, we seemed to be on decent, if awkward, terms.

But from that point on, our communication became more and more spotty. Texts that were usually answered within seconds were now answered within hours. Phone calls went unanswered, voicemails ignored. Then texts that would receive a delayed answer remained completely unanswered. Finally, the following text exchange transpired:

Text message from Nick: “Am I missing something? Did I do something wrong? I feel like you are avoiding me…”

Text message from Stacie: “Sorry. I just need some space. I don’t know what else to say.”

Text message from Nick: “What did I do?”

Text message from Stacie: “Nothing. The more you try and talk the more it pushes me away.”

Text message from Nick: “I am confused. But I will let you be. I am sorry. I will clear out until you contact me. Be safe.”

I went home that night and cried. I tried to watch a movie, but I would think about her and start sobbing uncontrollably. Once the movie was over, I cried some more. I cried until I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t go to sleep. I just kept going over everything in my head, over and over and over, trying to find the missing piece that ruined my nearly-completed attempt at a 10,000-piece relationship puzzle. I cried until I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning, though I did so reluctantly. I was in a funk for a days. I was in a haze for weeks. And while the immediate pain has become manageable, I still get daily pinpricks that won’t go away.

(To Be Continued...)


Kila said...

I hurt for you Nick!!!!! XOXOXO

hiller said...

now is when the saying "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" becomes much less than a sure thing...

Nick said...

Indeed, my friend; indeed...